Lisa Wilson

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Daily, I have a plethora of feelings and emotions regarding my diagnosis - highs and lows, not much middle ground. Frustration, anger and disappointment at the systems and people who I thought knew better. Creative ideas are always whizzing around in my head  whether I’m awake or asleep… my mind still goes at it in my dreams... anything from how we can achieve world peace, sky diving off mountain faces, how to make the perfect cheese sandwich, designing and creating pottery and ceramic glazes, costing the build of a collaborative artist haven/village, counting how many pairs of shoes I have which I don't use, formulating all the possible answers I can give in preparation for tomorrow’s conversations, why we dye toilet paper white, and how we can move toward living off grid, etc...

When Emma and I first discussed the project, my mind immediately started doing mental parkour, designing and building a sculpture, looking at glazes, clay, techniques etc. After a later discussion, I told myself to wind my neck in and wait until I saw the installation (I saw a video walkthrough). Reflecting on the installation, and my feelings toward it, I consciously focused on my own response to it. All the bits in my brain momentarily came together and formed the concept for the bust. I responded to the installation’s materials, flow, shapes etc, and how they were used.

I suppose I came about the idea of the bust in a bit of a back to front way - instead of having an idea and then looking for materials to represent my concept, I instead responded to the materials first and then looked at what and how I felt they translated and are present in my Audhd life experiences. “Art is not about itself, but the attention we bring to it” (Marcel DuChamp).

During the putting together of the bust, I realised I was being 'contained', creating what I thought a sculpture is acceptable as and expected to be. I stood back about 20% of the way through and thought ' you’re lying to yourself, be honest, loosen up and be real, be my true real'. I consciously gave myself a tight, stressful time limit, knowing it would kick my head out the room and let my emotions do the work.

I found the work becoming 'darker' than anticipated...before I added the wire and raku fired it, several people saw it sitting amongst other peoples’ work. I heard a few concerned “Oh”… “ooookkkk”... “that's unusual”, etc. One person who knows me asked “is that really how you feel?” To which I answered ”you have no idea!”.

Looking back now, I wasn't honest enough when sculpting the bust...there is still so much raw emotion to represent, and how honest can I manage to be with myself through clay. It's a door opened by an installation.

As I see the bust, for me the wires show how my thoughts bounce around; that feeling sometimes of my head going to explode. The charred, rough skin I think represents how dark life can be for my Audhd experience. The mirrored tongue for me represents broken language, a disconnect in communication, blurting out broken language to keep people happy, to speak what people want to hear and see reflected back at them, not what should be said.

I’ve been reflecting on this piece, which isn't totally finished and may yet morph further; I think it has concretized the emotional realization of my frustration and anger at people and myself, for my own naivety and difficulty at seeing and hearing what is really behind the world’s words. I think perhaps it’s expressing that people don’t really want to hear our truth. Perhaps they rather want us to say back to them what they want to hear.   

Everyone will read into piece with what they take with them. I will be interested in hearing responses. I hope the bust will be small but mighty.